Mommy Blog-Week 1

Whew. What a roller coaster of a week it's been! In these "Mommy Blogs" I'm going to talk about what is going on with me, my recovery, and just life as a mommy. I'm going to be as honest as possible because I have learned that my experiences may help others, and I don't want to sugar coat anything. So here we go!

My recovery from the 2nd degree tear is going well. It started off very sore, but I kept using the peri-bottle with iodine and it really helped. When I take baths, I sit on a really soft bath pillow and it is AMAZING. I couldn't sit down in the bathtub if it wasn't for this....so if you just had a baby and take baths, invest in one of these :) Today at 10 days post delivery, I woke up and feel MUCH MUCH better. I'm so excited to feel more normal!

Breastfeeding is going well. I'm thankful I don't have supply issues or weight gaining issues with her (yet...knock on wood). All of the baby books I read said they would eat every 2-3 hours.....yeah right. The first day she was eating every 45 minutes to an hour.....exhausting. Now she has pushed them out to about every 1.5-2.5 hours which is a little more managable. I have had two WONDERFUL mommy friends try to prepare me for the pain and emotions involved in this, but you just never know how it's going to affect you until you are in the middle of it. Let me tell you friends, IT IS PAINFUL. When she latches on, it hurts SO bad for the first 20-30 seconds or so. Like, in tears type pain, and I just pushed out a baby with no medication. Baby books will say "If it hurts, she has a bad latch" and that's complete crap. She could have a perfect latch and it would still hurt because my boobs are just not used to it. I, many times, have tried to bargain my way out of this pain thinking, "What if I just pumped and gave it to her?" "Formula would be SO easy right now..." Yup, I've thought of it all. I'm pushing through though, and I'm excited to say on day 10 I can see that it's getting better and not SO painful. I pray every day gets a little easier.

I gained 18 pounds while pregnant, and when I got home from the hospital, I had lost 11.5 pounds. Today I weighed myself and I have 4 pounds to go to be back at my starting weight. This breastfeeding thing is pretty cool ;) I'm trying to eat a lot too though, so my supply stays up, so we will see....I'm not worried about it at all. After I had her my tummy was jello.....no joke, jello, and I looked like I did at 20 weeks pregnant. After just 10 days it has gone down A LOT and I look more like I used to. When I take a bath, I can watch my tummy and literally see my heart beating in there. It's weird, but pretty cool.

I love being a mommy. I love her little faces and noises that she makes. I love how she watches TV with her daddy. I'm ready for the breastfeeding pain and crazy emotions to go away so I can 100% enjoy everything :)

I was NOT emotional at all during my pregnancy, so I was completely shocked at the emotions that flooded me after she was born. It's anywhere from compete joy, to frustration, to exhaustion, to being worried, to missing my husband when he is literally right next to me. I will cry for NO reason. Just break down and cry. Poor Danny, it scares him because he has never seen me like this, haha. This is everything we prayed for, and I would not change anything for the world, but it is a HUGE adjustment. This little person depends on me for LIFE. It's so much pressure. It's just going to take me some time to get used to a new "normal" and I have decided to cut myself some slack and not feel guilty about what I am feeling. I will be fine and in a month or so I will look back and be proud of myself for pushing through. It does help to know a lot of my mommy friends have been there and felt the same things....so maybe I am "normal" :)

Off to watch some Saturday football with my loves! Hook 'Em Horns!