O.M.G......this has been the hardest two weeks of my life. Nothing can prepare you for this. I am going to be very honest in my blogs because I don't want to act like everything is perfect and this process is puppies and rainbows. It's not. The emotions that overtook me after giving birth were INSANE. I was not emotional at all during my pregnancy, but boy, they made up for it. About day 5 into her life, I was not getting ANY sleep and it all just completely took over. I would cry multiple times a day. Here I had this beautiful baby girl, the one we had prayed for, and I couldn't help but long for how it was before her. I would cry with guilt. I felt completely handcuffed to her because I am breastfeeding. I would call my mom and my two amazing friends in tears telling them I didn't think I could handle this. Danny has been AMAZING and has helped me with everything, but I always knew every 1-2 hours she would need me and only me again. I will say that around the 2 week mark, these feelings did subside and I am feeling A LOT better about taking this on. I found it all comes down to me getting a little sleep. Once I have that, all of the fears and anxiety go away.
Everyone said "Sleep with the baby sleeps" but I just can't seem to do that. She is a very noisey sleeper and I can't fall asleep through her noises. I wanted to co-sleep with her, and maybe one day we can, but we are going to try putting her in her room tonight so we can get some kind of routine going before Danny has to go back to work on Monday. I'm TERRIFIED of him going back to work. My mom is going to be here for two weeks and I'm so thankful for that! By the time my mom leaves, Emmy will be around 5 weeks old, so maybe we will have a good routine established by then. I can hope, right?!
My recovery is going good! Around day 10 I felt 90% back to myself. My stitches are gone I think and it no longer hurts. So that's exciting! I have lost all of the baby weight and I'm down 3 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. I really need to start upping the calories. I didn't have much of an appetite the past 2 weeks, but it's slowly coming back now.
Breastfeeding is going a lot better too. Around day 10 as well, the excruciating pain really went down, and it rarely hurts anymore to feed her. She will have a bad latch sometimes and we have to re-do it so it doesn't hurt. I am pumping once after her first morning feeding everyday, and I'm getting about 6.5-7.5 oz total from that, so that's good! I just want to build a stash to have for when we go out of town or in case of emergencies.
Right now at night, Danny is sleeping on the couch with her in her swing so I can get some rest. He will bring her to me when she starts screaming and I will feed her. This allows me to get some sleep. He can sleep through her noiseyness somehow! I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes back to work :(
Through all of that, this time has been so rewarding, too. We love playing with her when she is awake and listening to the new noises she is making. Danny says her poop smells like buttered popcorn, haha! I'm just very ready to be able to get into some kind of routine.....hopefully soon!
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I'm glad you're starting to feel better Brit! Those "baby blues" are the worst. I literally felt like I was crazy during that first week or so. It does get better every day & easier as she gets bigger. She won't always demand food so often. As far as a routine goes...uh...we're not even there yet & Carter is almost 6 weeks old. I try to look for patterns in his eating & sleeping, but there just isn't one yet. Every time I start to see a pattern he throws us for a loop. Hopefully we will both see some sort of return to the NEW normalcy soon. =)
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